Current weight – 67.05 kg
So it’s been 6 days since my last post, and that’s mostly because I was ashamed. Wednesday morning (22nd) I was still at the same weight as tuesday, but going strong on my fast. But after training I weighted myself (as I’d also not had water by that point), and there it was! My lowest weight, below my first goal weight! 64.95 kg!! I actually danced when I saw that number. I know I’m still way off being skinny, but it felt good to achieve something. That night was D&D, which I host at my house, and I’d baked pizza for all the others, swearing not to have any for myself. That didn’t last long.
Long story short, I binged on wednesday, but being sorta smart I decided to get really really high before I could do anything stupid to myself. This lead to having the weirdest trip of my life, where I had 4 bombs and 2 spliffs on my own. When I say I was high, I mean I went insane – I stayed up drawingfor hours, I talked to my dead ancestors, I sent copies of my art (including the triggering stuff) to a bunch of friends, and danced to myself while overheating and seeing things. I actually really enjoyed the night, but it was truly over the top. Next day, I was needed to be helping at uni from 10 till 5, and I hadn’t slept so I just had a few bottles of water to sustain me, until I gave in to the free pizza they were offering that day. Later on I had pole dance, which was just a really nice way to end the day!
Friday I was hanging out with a new friend and her friends and it was pretty good. I got low-key stoned and ended up slightly manic but it was such a nicer experience. I was in one of those weird moods where I could eat almost everything and not feel *that* bad about it, so of course I just shoved everything I saw down my throat. Saturday and sunday were a lot more relaxed in terms of over eating, but I still ate way more than I’d consider to be a good amount. Training always helps me feel better about myself, and I couldn’t have much of the banana bread I baked because my teammates ate it really quickly (for a someone like this I’m an annoyingly good baker). I’m likely to continue eating for the rest of this week, but just trying to keep it to a minimum where possible. If all goes well, I’ll be back to water fasting next week!
I know it must seem strange, me writing a blog to no audience, but it helps me think about my own thoughts a lot better, even if nobody else ever sees it.
Stay safe, be skinny, A x
Life, and other lies 